Stempel Spass

Felix  Felix  wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings. He had just left through the back door of the paint factory where he worked. He hoped the boss hadn't seen him because he had been fired from every other company in Franklin Township due to his insatiable curiosity. The truth was, he was a living cartoon stereotype of a cat. And now he'd done it again. As he slowed to a lope and stopped, Felix realized he was standing in the alley behind Miss Peterson's house. She taught piano lessons. “Great,” Felix thought, “all I need is for one of those kids to see that I spilled pink paint all over myself!” He knew they would taunt him mercilessly, just as they had done before with the mustard, and then another time with the feathers, and all the rest. Felix hurried further down the alley looking right and left for somewhere to hide. When he reached the dead end, he sat down, thoroughly dejected. Time slowly passed and Felix became aware that clouds ...

CHESTER Arlene looked out her office window just in time to see young Chester lift his leg and whiz on the asphalt. This was Arlene's 35th year at the Sacred Heart Animal Obedience School. She didn't even want to think how many classes she had taught and she was excited that today was her last day. At the beginning of each class Arlene thought she'd luck out and not have a "Chester" in her class. But.every.single.time.there. was.one. The other animals were eager to learn and willing to follow the rules. They were predictable and easy. As Arlene continued to watch out the window, she noticed something she'd never noticed before. In fact, she felt a bit light-headed and silly that she hadn't seen it before. Then again, with a "Chester" in every class, naturally her attention was focused on him or her and the rest of the group became a bit of a blur.  This time Arlene stopped watching the little hooligan and focused her...

Brian Brian was excited to have his first real job as a lookout and he wanted to do it right. On the hour, as instructed, he approached the window of the storeroom. He didn't realize it, but the fluorescent box lights emitting greasy yellow light made his soft beige fur glow neon green. With so much light pouring over his shoulders, Brian had to blink several times before looking out into the night. As he looked across the street to the target house, the hair on his neck stood up. They had been certain the house was vacant! Gil had checked the mailbox for four days straight and assured them the owners were on vacation and the house was empty, but plain as day Brian could clearly see a figure outlined in the window! Brian had to let Gil know quickly. He sucked in his breath and shot across the room in one long leap, tail tucked between his legs. He misjudged the distance and slammed into the back wall belly-first. As he painfully slid down the wall like a splattered...

The Barnes Dandelion Fire Weeble This is Frank Meredith of CBS Science News. A press conference was held at the University Entomology Department earlier today. Dr. Phillip Barnes, a renowned entomologist, was answering questions about his history-making discovery last week of the bug shown in the photo. As is usual for discoveries in the scientific community, the bug has been officially named the Barnes Dandelion Fire Weeble. This elusive bug is believed to be a part of the firefly family (Lampyridae).  As far as scientists can tell the little weeble only comes out near day break when the silky strands of ripe dandelions are laden with dew drops. While the weebles drink, it is fascinating to watch their chests light up with a golden glow and their little raisin-shaped bodies slowly expand and grow until they are the shape of a dew drop themselves. When asked about the apparent giant horn on the top of the bug's head, Dr. Barnes replied: "Sinc...

EUNICE Eunice loved performing at birthday parties for the little kids. They were always delighted with her performance and clapped like little maniacs. She hated the fact that she had only been allowed to perform at adult parties since that incident in 2015 outside of Chicago.  Since that time, Eunice had made it through her probation, done her community service, and sought medical help. Her psychiatrist and her veterinarian had determined that Eunice could not tolerate the sugar in the cupcake she devoured at the end of her performance. In order for the show to go on, a sugar-free gluten-free recipe had been developed and Eunice was now performing to the high standards of the Association of Hula Hooping Holsteins of America. Even so, no one had hired her for a child's party until today, and that was only because Paulette had gotten sick. Eunice sat patiently waiting for the excited children to quiet down so the lights could be dimmed and the curtain raise...

The Horse With No Neigh Hazel sat forlornly gazing at the barn door. The inside was clearly visible, well-lit with hundreds of twinkling yellow lights. She could see her friends laughing, dancing, and enjoying themselves. It made her wince with jealousy. Hazel's Aunt had spent hours encouraging her to overcome her painful shyness. They had practiced karaoke for weeks until Hazel knew every word by heart. It was through song that Hazel had finally found her neigh. To ensure that Hazel would not lose her newfound self-confidence, her Aunt had made Hazel a beautiful rainbow sweater and an encouraging sign to hang in her stall. " I'm a rainbow sprinkle in a vanilla world ," it said. Hazel must have read those words a million times, but now she sat miserable and alone, her eyes red-rimmed from her tears. During all their hours of practice, neither Hazel nor her Aunt could imagine that on the night of this special annual winter event, the karaoke machin...

Debra When she agreed to be on top as the lookout, Debra didn’t realize there would be such a strong breeze that day. She hated having her ears blown back, especially since she had just been to the salon. Now that she had managed to climb to the top of this pack of imbeciles, Debra realized that she could spin any kind of yarn she wanted to about what was happening on the other side of the fence. How would the other three know what was true? In that moment, Debra fully understood the meaning of faith. She had faith that Louie, Bruce, and Herbert would not let her fall and they, in turn, had faith that she would tell the truth about what she saw. As she stared at the neighbor’s house, suddenly a shadow stepped into the light from the porch.  Darnell Knauss , Author Cornelia Wenokor, Illustrator Stamps:  Cats on Appletrees

Petey It was fortunate for Petey that Cassie’s mom was a romantic or he would have been tarred and feathered that day. Thankfully she understood that Petey was a good guy, even if he was a bit single-minded at times, often to the point of danger. On this particular sunny Saturday, Petey came calling, bringing a sweet bouquet of posies for Cassie. Her mom sent Petey to the backyard where Cassie was sunning herself by the pool. Just as Petey approached Cassie with his eyes zeroed in on her face, his foot caught on the edge of her towel. As Petey started falling, he grabbed the towel without thinking, sending Cassie somersaulting into the pool with him! Now here they were, drying themselves off on a line Cassie’s mom had put up for them. Petey, still clutching the posies, could feel the warm sun on his back. He shyly glanced over at Cassie, who was hanging so close to him there was a ripple of static betwee...

GENEVIEVE As if the gale force winds weren’t bad enough, turning her favorite umbrella inside out and ruining her ponytail, now the skies had opened up and Genevieve was being splattered by giant white globs of God-knew-what. Genevieve knew there was only one way to extricate herself from this yucky situation. She hated to use her super power right out in public, but she was never going to get there in time if she didn’t act now. She stretched her arm straight out in front in a line parallel to her shoulder. She stood with her legs slightly akimbo so the lines of her stockings were matching each other. With her left arm, she slowly removed the belt from her raincoat and stood patiently until the lines of the coat hems were parallel with her blowing hair and her inside-out umbrella. Keeping her breath as shallow as possible, Genevieve could feel herself being slowly lifted off the pavement. With every inch she ro...

RAVEN Raven gasped when she saw her reflection in the full-length mirror. When she won the gift certificate for the new Trend on Trent clothing store in the Aviary Mall, she went begrudgingly. Raven was a widow and after 43 successful hatches, she had let herself go. Her feathers had thinned to the point where she was cold all the time and she could no longer fly. Her legs had lost their scaliness, and her claws were no longer shiny and sharp. But yesterday all that changed when she gathered all that remained of her courage and headed for the mall to spend the gift. Now, looking at herself, she was so glad she had been brave. The beautiful scarf and leggings were warm and soft and the bright red tennies made her feel younger than she had in years. When she walked home, her feet comfortable in her fancy new shoes, Raven could feel the admiring looks. She giggled inside as she stood straighter, stretching out her tail feathers and flirting for the first time in...

GEORGE Everyone was gathering in the conference room to celebrate the boss’s birthday so George and Winnie walked down the hall together from the lab where they were assigned. George was busy looking over his shoulder at 3-year-old Winnie who had just let go of the party balloon, so he didn’t notice the pileup in front of him until after he turned the corner. Before he could stop himself, George stepped on Imogene’s tail which made Imogene howl and fall into the wall. This allowed George a clear look ahead where he saw that Everett was lying flat out, his terrified eyes pinned on the tiniest mouse George had ever seen. Not even in the secret high-security lab. George knew that Everett was frozen in fear and the only way to clear the hall would require him to step into Everett’s line of sight. Slinking around Imogene’s wide hips and Everett’s flattened ears, George locked eyes with the tiny mouse. And froze. Darnell J. Knauss , Author Cornelia Wenokor...